Why We Should Stop Putting People On A Pedestal

Why We Should Stop Putting People On A Pedestal:

rainmanjdog:

I found this really helpful!  I have never become part of a fandom before Outlander.  I was first drawn to Caitriona (Claire) jumping on the bed in the first episode with Tobias (Frank).  I was captivated by the chemistry between all three characters/actors.  I had to watch the stupid BTS of the wedding episode and Sam looking to the side and saying, “Caitriona and I were in a room by ourselves for a week with very little clothes on.  It was interesting………”.  He had a little boy smile with a naughty secret.  I made the stupid mistake of googling to see who they were married to, etc.,..and like most of you, my ship sailed.  It continued to sail for two years because Sam was its captain.  He knows it.  Caitriona started co-captaining the ship six months before and leading up to the IFH.  She knows it. 

The point is, I “fell in love” with Caitriona and the idea of her with Sam because they represented what I want out of a relationship.  They listen to each other.  They support each other and have each other’s back.  Sam NEVER cuts her off or puts her down in public and he sings her praises to anyone who listens.  He constantly mirrors her when they are together and he looks for “approval” or “permission” before continuing a thought or idea (modesty patch, anyone?).    They were naughty with each other but loving.  They spend exorbitant amounts of time on set, yet they still snuggled off set (laugh, sing, smile, joke).  They went horse-back riding off-the-clock, hiking, whisky tasting, shopping and playing tennis.  On and on.  They ARE best friends.  They have what I want or wanted.   

But this is the thing.  Besides wanting a guy in my life the way Sam is in hers, I think I wanted to be more LIKE Cait to the detriment of myself.  Its true.  First, I love to travel.  I envy her that!  I love horses and she gets to ride horses WITH SAM HEUGHAN in SCOTLAND as part of her job.  While I am stuck at a desk bored with accounting these days.  She is witty and absolutely beautiful.  She has a presence on panels and a way with people which wins them over.  I get absolutely anxious doing public speaking and am typically shy.  I am conservative mostly where she is liberal.  I could never NEVER be naked on a screen and be able to watch myself.  Just on and on…………..But I placed her on a pedestal maybe living vicariously through her a bit?

  In fact, I have done this several times dating and not even realized it.  I have changed my politics, drinking habits (abstained as well as drank more), personality sometimes to be what I thought the guy wanted me to be. 

Anyhow, I no longer envy Cait.  She didn’t look happy at Golden Globes and she didn’t have Sam to put his arm around her or make her laugh like he did when they attended the first Globes.  Engagement or not, she looked happier with Sam at the first Globes and THAT is when they didn’t realize (or care) when the video camera was zooming past them. 

The Caitriona I know wouldn’t want to be papped on the streets of Ireland.  She would want to be “schleppy” and go incognito.   The Caitriona I know kisses horses on the head, has great danes sit by her on beaches because they KNOW a dog person.  Or, she sits by them between scene or goes over to feed a goat.  That is Cait.  Look at the pictures of Sam and Cait at SDCC and their happiness and compare it to the Caitriona of the last two weeks.  That is all I can say.  I am not privy to her private thoughts or life or circumstances.  Nor am I entitled to it.  I am VERY disappointed in her mixed messages and her choices right now, but I placed her on the pedestal.  I met Caitriona at ECCC and she was warm, genuine and looked me in the eyes.  She didn’t make me feel rushed.  The Caitriona I know would never EVER omit Sam from her acceptance speech.  What happened to “My Outlander Family?“  I think, or can only assume, there is something(s) again going on behind the scenes between production and “her people."  I don’t know.  I’m not going to pretend to know.  Caitriona lights up like a Christmas tree in Sam Heughan’s presence.  She does.   And he delights in making her laugh.  He does.

So, I guess the whole point of this rambling is "pedestals."  I was at a low point in my life and Caitriona, with her bigger-than-life everything walked into it.  Now?  I need to raise myself to put my life and choices ahead of wishing her to be who I thought she was/is.  I need to make MY happiness matter in my life more than worrying about hers. 

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