2009 February | 看不開

Archives for the Month of February, 2009

當你睡覺的時候

Thursday, 5 February 2009

一週日，不是睡不著，就是清晨醒來。長期只睡五六個小時。我是睡寶寶，六個小時如你吃不夠飽，或者要湊米氣的你冇飯到肚。半夢半醒俱樂部的會員，大家好，這是小女子的come-out story。起床的時候也有痛苦的，特別是冬天，天未光，只覺整個世界與我為敵。之前感冒，吃了藥去睡，好像按了一個睡眠掣一樣，睡去睡醒，不知身是客，早上很悵惘，也有點惶恐，咦，唔怪得之有人會長期食安眠藥睡覺。想到這裡，你說惶恐不惶恐．．．我自己都不敢想下去。你說週末床上怎樣。週末有時是天光多數是半夜才去睡。如此星辰非昨夜，為誰風露立中宵。其實一半也是睡不著，一半是在寫在想在讀在喝如此類推。中午起床，雖然頭痛，但總算轟轟烈烈的睡了一遍。最浪漫的失眠是，那年二十歲，冬天，開著一盞燈，一個人在讀尼采和齊克果。那時候只覺永遠都不會明白這些心靈，他們的寂寞和偉大成正比。他們是我生命的火焰，是肉眼不見的陰燃。到現在還沒有丟掉哲學本科的筆記。每個中醫說我有火。是這些火嗎？如是，我接受它們是我一部份，內住，煎熬，發熱，發亮。二飛台北是早上八時，七時在機場不幸巧遇Private Shop，可說是未入賭場先跌錢。該處原來有很多貨版，對對對，只有一千零一件那種貨色。天，我跟周小姐是尖叫了，Princess Tam Tam的浴袍，huit的家常服，意大利製造的喱士睡裙．．．可憐它們精緻到不能，一個人的話是穿了不想脫，兩個人的話是穿了就隨即給除下來。你有什麼選擇呢，只有把放不低的買下來，送禮自奉。三這陣子睡著時都造惡夢。沒有毛的老鼠偷進我家。給刀子刺傷，被追殺，血。遇上恐怖份子，手榴彈飛來，一邊逃跑一邊知道其實已中彈，但求生本能會叫你一直跑。四所以我猜，睡覺，是自己跟自己相處。包括接受自己，以及接受世界。

Posted in Her | 4 Comments »

serial time killer

Please let him come, and give me the resilience & guts to make him respect me, be interested, and not to throw myself at him with loudness or hysterical yelling; calmly, gently, easy baby easy. He is probably strutting the backs among crocuses now with seven Scandinavian mistresses. And I sit, spiderlike, waiting, here, home; Penelope weaving webs of Webster, turning spindles of Tourneur. Oh, he is here; my black marauder; oh hungry hungry. I am so hungry for a big smashing creative burgeoning burdened love: I am here; I wait; and he plays on the banks of the river Cam like a casual faun.

Sylvia Plath (via pkam)

02/08/12

bolmi:

(by PaigeSteplewski)

02/06/12

In order to arrive at a personal style, you have to have a technique to begin with. In other words, when I say that style is a special case of technique, you have to have the technique — you have to have a place to make the choices from. If you don’t have a basis on which to make the choice, then you don’t have a style at all. You have a series of accidents.

“You practice and you get better. It’s very simple,” iconic composer Philip Glass famously said. A new NPR interview by his cousin,This American Life’s Ira Glass, gleans deeper insight into the philosophy and creative process of the modern genius. (via curiositycounts)

02/03/12

Fame