Archives for the Date September 14th, 2018

【山竹來了】屯門青山政府宿舍60年鳳凰木被鋸 攝影師:好心痛 詹志勇:暴殄天物 | 立場報道 | 立場新聞 September 14, 2018 at 08:34PM

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What the Hell is “Gaslighting”?

missmentelle:

In 1938, a stage play called “Gas Light” debuted for the first time. The play is about a husband who gradually convinces his wife she’s insane by acting strangely and secretly manipulating objects in the house – like dimming the gas lights in the attic – and refusing to acknowledge that they’ve changed. Today, the term “gaslighting” is used to describe any behaviour designed to make another person question their sanity. 

Gaslighting is abusive behaviour. Any person who tries to make you doubt your own sanity does not have your best interests at heart. Gaslighting is a tool to keep you in an abusive relationship, and prevent you from reaching out for help. 

In its weakest form, gaslighting means convincing you that you are misremembering or exaggerating something that happened. “I never said it like that, you’re exaggerating!” or “You’re making it sound worse than it was!” are common examples of gaslighting. At the end of the conversation, you might even find yourself apologizing to the other person, even though you were pretty sure that they were in the wrong. This sort of thing can happen in a normal relationship, especially if one or both parties aren’t very self-aware, but it’s a concern if it happens all the time… especially if only one person seems to have a faulty memory.

Gaslighting can also mean convincing you that events didn’t happen at all. Your abuser can absolve themselves of responsibility, and keep you in check, by convincing you that abuse never took place. “We never had a fight at my brother’s wedding… are you feeling okay?” or “I’ve never thrown anything at you in my life! Do you have a fever or something?” are more serious examples of gaslighting, and they are absolutely not okay. If someone is trying to convince you that a fight or episode of abuse never happened, that’s a huge red flag that cannot be ignored. 

At its very worst, abusers may go out of their way to stage strange events in order to confuse their victims. An abuser trying to keep a victim in check, or socially isolate a victim, may go out of their way to act strangely in order to make their victim doubt their own mind. Abusers may steal things from you, disappear for days on end and claim that they told you where they were going (or deny being gone), or mislabel your reactions as they’re happening (eg. pretending that you are irrationally angry when you are actually calm). These are also huge red flags, and cannot be ignored. 

Gaslighting is not unique to abusive romantic relationships: it is also common in toxic parent/child relationships, sibling relationships, friendships or school bullying. Anyone who mistreats you can gaslight you. 

The best defense against gaslighting is self-confidence, and careful recording. Trust in your own mind. You know when you’ve been abused. You know your own reactions. And write things down – keeping a careful record of abusive incidents and what was said or done gives you a record to consult when someone else gets in your head. 

Gaslighting can make it especially difficult to recognize and leave a bad relationship, and no one deserves to go through it. Know the signs. Protect yourself. You deserve better. 

notevenjokingfic: Chapter 9The Missing Claire read the letter again, grinning up at her Uncle….

notevenjokingfic:

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Chapter 9
The Missing

Claire read the letter again, grinning up at her Uncle.  “You won!  You won Best Archaeological Book!”

Uncle Lamb shrugged, and brought the tea tray to the table.  “Put that away.”

“But- “Claire looked at him, mouth open, as he poured the first cup.  “Don’t you want to know when the ceremony is?”

He chuckled, “It doesn’t matter,” he said, placing a cup before her.  “I’m not going.”

“Uncle Lamb,” Claire was firm, “This is from the British Archaeological Society. How can you ignore this?”

“I don’t write for awards, Girl,” he said, grunting a little as he sat heavily in his chair.  

Claire sat stirring her tea for a few minutes.  Finally, she looked over at her Uncle.

“Well, I’ll tell you one thing,” she said firmly.  “If I’m ever lucky enough to get an award from the British Archaeological Society for anything I’ve done, wild horses wouldn’t stop me from being there to receive it.”

Keep reading

Loss (Act II), Part Ten

missclairebelle:

Some good conversations with @kkruml and @thefraserwitch helped mop this part up to be what I wanted. I owe them each a beverage of their choosing. 💕 This will be one of the last flashback-y type chapters. In Part Four we knew what Jamie was up to from the time he left on the business trip until he was found. In this chapter, we learn what Claire was up to from the time he left until she learned what happened on the hike™.


Loss: Act I and ficlets

Loss: Act II: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight | Part Nine


Loss: Act II
Part Ten

Watching Jamie sleep, my
mind wandered to the day after he left for his business trip.  It had started as one of those unremarkable
days designed to be profound only in its ability to be meaningless as soon as
it was over. An anonymous workday in a sequence of three hundred and sixty-five
days, I had not appreciated the peace in assuming that it would blend into my
memory as just another day.

I woke Monday morning at
5:00 to nothing from Jamie. In Los
Angeles, time was just rounding the corner to an hour that he would consider
going to bed.  

It was early enough to
get an answer.

Half asleep, I rolled onto
my back, ignoring Buffalo Bill’s groaning protest and the fact that I had
exactly forty minutes to get to the hospital. Chewing on my thumbnail, I
frowned as his phone went directly to voicemail.  I left a deflated, rambling little message,
asking him to call me back.

I stared at the last text I had from him: Beat the jet lag. Eating lots of ramen at the
shop around the corner from the hotel. I’ve learned I like runny eggs on
everything.
 You would hate it here. Going hiking with some guys from the LA
office.  Tell me when it works to call you. I don’t want to wake you.
 

I quickly typed out a
series of messages, attempting to be coy.

First:

I like runny eggs. Maybe
enough to overcome the vapidity of LA. Do I need to dye my hair blonde to
visit?

Then, moments later:

Call me whenever. Wake me
up.

I wanted to purge the
aftertaste of our argument from my mouth and decided to banter:

Maybe you won’t like the
idea of me as a blonde? Or maybe you like it too much? Out with it Fraser. (Really, call me whenever. If I’m wrists-deep in human, I just won’t answer.)

Nothing.

I sent one final message
before getting ready for the day:

I’m going to work. ILY.
xx.

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Conversations between friends..

rainmanjdog:

mariaae:

the-sassynach:

widchadidcha:

bat-cat-reader:

I’ll go get the receipts box.

Not boxes anymore for me

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People in close association with them know what the real deal is, so they talk like the fake SO’s don’t exist!

As @balfeheughlywed said, there will be back-tracking and denials, but its too late.  Its like Diana or Terry.  Too. LATE.

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